After their first victory, Blinding Light retreated to the safe haven of their mansion: Blinding Light Manor. RJ turned to Paul, who was gripping his ankle in pain.
  "What is it, Pablo?" He asked with concern.
  "One of those guys in the alley nicked me." Paul said through gritted teeth.
  John peered down at his band mate.
  "They didn't nick ya, Paul they shot you." John stated.
  Paul lashed out and kicked John in the shin with his good leg.
  "Come on, Paully." Tyler said, lifting Paul up and setting him on the couch. "Robbie, go get something to wrap Paul's ankle with."
  "Since when can you tell me what to do?" Robbie retorted.
  "Since I've been bigger than you, which is always!" Tyler said sharply. "Now get some towels."
  "Aye aye, Captain Stupid." Robbie said dryly and walked off.
  "Steve, go turn on the TV." Paul said weakly. "Dr. Happy Man told me TV was the best medicine."
  "I thought laughter was the best medicine." John wandered aloud.
  "And laughter comes from TV, so chop chop." Paul replied.

  RJ laughed and looked down at the wounded bassist.
  "Now Paul," RJ said in a patronizing tone, "did Mr. Happy Man tell you this before or after the morphine kicked in?"
  "Your mama!" Paul shouted. "Don't make me kick yo' booty."
  "Shut up!" Tyler said loudly. "The news is coming on."

  The band turned their attention to the TV.
  "Where's my towel, Woman! This ain't ketchup on the couch!"
  "Hold your water, mule." Robbie came back in and threw a towel at Paul.
  Paul tenderly began wrapping his ankle as the news began.

  "Good evening," a newsman declared, "I'm Lawrence de le Mouton here with your evening news. Tonight, four members of a neo-nazi cult are in jail following a murder attempt on the daughter of the Jewish Hair Queen herself, Nicole McPancrius. The leader of this faction, Ernest von Hexe, has already been charged with fifteen counts of aggravated assault and four hundred sixty-three counts of littering. While the assault charges have been dropped, von Hexe's chronic littering could give him the death penalty." "Crystal McPancrius says she was miraculously rescued by several good citizens. At this time, the police are not investigating these silent heroes. But Angus and Nicole McPancrius are offering $500 to anyone who has information regarding their daughter's rescuers. The only evidence found at the scene was a drum stick." "In other news, Orson Wells and Frank Sinatra have announced that they will be releasing their first collaboration solo album later this year. Critics are astounded at the duo's ability to record with the handicap of being dead. Ted Copel will be conducting an interview with the pair later this week."

  Tyler turned to Robbie and scowled.
  "You lost a drum stick!" He said defiantly. "You irresponsible, malnourished hobo!"
  "I resent that!" Robbie shot back. "I was struck by the plague and the mange after you idiots talked me into playing in South Africa. That's why I look so malnourished."
  "Regardless, you lost it!" Tyler persisted.
  "Will you both cut it out?" John said in frustration. "We've all had a rough night. Let's just get some sleep."
  For a moment, Tyler looked as if he would challenge John's suggestion. But fatigue was wearing him down, as well as the others. Thus, without a word, each member of the band went off to his respective room.

  Early the next morning, Robbie heard John's voice knife through his sleep like the antiquated blade of a decrepit samurai.
  "Blinding Light Crusaders unite!" He shouted.
  John blinked as Robbie, Stephen, and Tyler appeared.
  "Where are the leprechaun and Supernerd?" John asked.
  "I don't know." Robbie replied. "I didn't see them when I was running blindly through the house a second ago."
  "Hey guys!" Tyler shouted. "I found something."
  Immediately, John, Stephen, and Robbie were at his side.
  "It's a note!" Robbie gasped. "Oo, I wanna read!"
  "Nu uh, mine!" Tyler said, snatching the paper back.
  "Oh fine." Robbie sighed. "Well go on, Browder. What's it say?"
  "Dear Blinding Light Crusaders," Tyler read solemnly, "I am but a humble man. I have kidnapped the Leprechaun and the Supernerd as insurance that the rest of your team will ne'er again interfere with my diabolical plans. If you want to ever see them again, you will stay out of my way... Signed: Mr. Snuffles."
  "My God!" Robbie gasped in horror. "How can this be! We must rescue our friends!"
  "Speedy's right." Tyler said. "We can't let Mr. Snuffles push us around, no matter how terrifying his name may be."
  "To the Blinding Lightmobile!" Stephen shouted.
  Immediately, the four scampered off like roaches when the lights come on at Dennies and headed for their suped up vette.

  In the dark reaches of an underground network of caves, the Leprechaun and Supernerd sat huddled together beneath an outcropping of rock.
  "Where are we, RJ?" Paul asked quietly.
  "I don't know." RJ replied. "The last thing I remember is dreaming about Avril Levigne and then waking up here."
  "But why did they take us?" Paul asked. "I mean we are obviously the corner stones of the group, but only we knew that."
  RJ nodded.
  "I guess they want us to sign a solo deal and thus send the band into a deadly free-fall to failure." RJ speculated.
  Paul sighed, a bit disgusted.

  Suddenly, both noticed three shadows looming over them.
  "On your feet, gentlemen." A deep voice commanded. "Welcome to my humble abode."
  RJ tried sizing up their captors but failed miserably, each at least a head taller than he.
  "Who are you?" RJ asked.
  The deep voiced shadow took a step forward.
  "Such complex questions from the mighty Supernerd." The voice laughed with contempt. "I am Mr. Snuffles, gentlemen. Four of my finest men are in jail after you interfered with a very important operation."
  Paul stifled a chuckle. The shadow turned to him. Paul couldn't help himself.
  ""Four of your finest men"!" Paul burst out and bowed in mock worship. "I bow before you, my queen. Ha ha ha ha!"
  Angrily, Mr. Snuffles seized Paul by the collar and lifted him clear off his feet.
  "My temper has been tempered, Leprechaun!" Mr. Snuffles shouted. "Prepare to meet your end!"
  Quickly, RJ pulled out his light saber mic stand.
  "Go RJ!" Paul shouted encouragingly.
  In a sudden burst of motion, RJ lashed out at Mr. Snuffles. To RJ'S astonishment and horror, the saber bounced off the giant harmlessly. Mr. Snuffles dropped Paul and advanced on RJ.
  "He's shielded somehow, Paul!" RJ shouted.
  Mr. Snuffles growled menacingly and threw RJ up against the stone wall.
  "You will pay for your interference and your beautiful harmonies!" Mr. Snuffles shouted.
  "Paul, cover your ears!" RJ shouted.
  As Paul did so, RJ shrieked a note so high and so loud that it instantly sent Mr. Snuffles and the two guards into a state of temporary shock.

  Once their captors were subdued, the two crusaders composed themselves and moved into a nearby chamber.
  "How are we gonna get out of here, Paul?" RJ asked.
  "Why not use your light saber to guide the way." Paul suggested.
  RJ clapped Paul on the shoulder.
  "A fine idea, Leprechaun." RJ replied, pulling out his trusty mic stand light saber. "Come, we've villains to conquer."
  "Yes, that we have indeed." Paul said proudly. "Ain't that right, Beardy?"
  "Oh yes, quite." Paul's beard replied.
  Laughing, the two crusaders ran off down a subterranean corridor.

  After almost an hour of searching, the remaining crusaders had found nothing. While searching the crime scene, Robbie had found a muddy foot-print. While they had been able to track the prints to the road, the tracks ended before the band could get any real leads. The Blinding Lightmobile had cruised up and down the Sunset strip, and it was in a melancholy state that the band had been cast into when they entered a local Seven Eleven.

  "Hey, guys," the clerk said cheerfully, "is anything wrong?"
  "RJ and Paul were bandnapped, Marty." John explained.
  "I just love those guys!" Tyler said, sniffling. "Why, when they're gone, I don't want to see the moon shine."
  "I'm sorry to hear that." Marty replied sympathetically. "I've seen you guys get through worse."
  "What?" Stephen laughed. "This is our first real adventure."
  "Well maybe," Marty agreed reluctantly, "but a wise man once said: "They can tear down our buildings, they can tear down our walls, but they can't take our pride away... 'cuz through it all, we stand tall"."
  Robbie nodded.
  "Well if you see them, could you have them call us?" Tyler asked.
  "Sure thing." Marty smiled. "I'll tell-ya what. Since your band mates have been kidnapped, I'll give ya 50% off on slurpees."

  Instantly, the band was at the slurpee display.
  "Aww poop." John sighed. "They're out of straws. I'll go get some more."
  While John left to go get straws, Tyler, Stephen, and Robbie helped themselves.
  "Hey they've got an avocado slurpee!" Robbie gasped.
  "Sweet!" Stephen laughed and began filling up a double gulp full of the slurpee goodness. "So how are things with Laura, Robbie?"
  "Pretty good," Robbie replied, "we went and crashed a frat party in Kansas just so we could dump all their booze out the window. Tonight, I'm taking her to see 'The Princess Diaries II'."
  "Awww, I was gonna do that to the frat house!" Tyler retorted. "Did ya get beat up?"
  "Well of course," Robbie laughed, "but we got beaten up together."
  "How romantic." Tyler sighed dreamily.
  "Alright, Tyler, go for it." Stephen stepped back as Tyler helped himself to a Canadian mustard slurpee.
  "Say shouldn't John be back by now?" Tyler asked.
  "Hey yeah." Robbie went over to the doorway of the backroom. "Johnny? Johnny C?"
  Robbie turned back, his face even paler than before.
  "What is it, Robbie?" Tyler asked.
  "Yeah, out with it, G." Stephen added.
  "John's gone." Robbie said dryly. "There's no sign of him."
  Refusing to believe his scrawny comrade, Tyler peered inside. And sure enough, John had vanished into thin air.
  "Hey wait," Stephen sniffed the air, "there is too a sign of him. Only a Clower can make that kind of smell."

  RJ suddenly stopped and gave Paul the signal for silence. Both crusaders crouched down in a recess in the rocks big enough for both of them to fit in. RJ gestured down the corridor, indicating that someone was heading in their direction. As RJ wound back his light saber, Paul braced himself for the attack. After a few more tense seconds, RJ nodded, and both leapt forward.

  John only had a split second to react. Catching Paul squarely in the chest with one large foot, John dove for cover. The light saber swung down fast, missing his leg by merely an inch. RJ raised the saber, preparing to strike before his foe could get to his feet. But suddenly Paul saw who it was.
  "RJ, that's John!" Paul shouted.
  RJ put the light saber away quickly.
  "How'd you get here?" He asked.
  "I was off getting some straws for a slurpee when I must've fallen through a trap door." John explained. "I've been walking for the past half hour. I saw a lot of guys pass me. But I guess since I was alone, they didn't think I was one of you."
  RJ nodded.
  "Hey, if you fell through a trap door, then maybe that's our way out." Paul suggested.
  "Undoubtedly." RJ agreed. "The trick is to get back to that spot without being jumped."
  "I should say that would be quite a feat." A voice laughed from the inky darkness.
  "Hey, RJ, you're voice finally broke!" John congratulated.
  Immediately after his outburst, a fist landed on John's jaw, sending him sprawling.
  "I dare say, you should kick him in the bum, Sir Paul." Beardy said in his typical British accent.
  "An excellent notion, Beardy. Come on RJ, let's get'em!"

  Together, RJ and Paul shot forward. Paul launched himself at Mr. Snuffles with a deadly karate kick, but all he hit was armor. As Paul crumpled to the floor in pain, RJ broke out the light saber. As before, Mr. Snuffles' armor protected the evil villain from being smote. By this time, John and Paul were both back on their feet. Together, they attacked Mr. snuffles from behind, while RJ swung again at the giant's chest. Paul hoisted himself over Mr. Snuffles shoulder as he heard John grunt as he received a kick in an area which a man should not be kicked.
  "RJ, here!" Paul shouted, trying his best to keep his balance.

  Quickly, RJ tossed the light saber to Paul.
  "This is for Jimmie!" Paul shouted into Mr. Snuffles' ear.
  Holding the saber high, Paul drove the illuminated blade into Mr. Snuffles' throat. But to his horror, nothing happened.

  The next thing Paul knew, he was hurled to the floor, with RJ soon joining him. Paul looked over his shoulder as John tried in vain to wrestle the giant to the ground. As all three lay panting with exhaustion, each could see RJ'S light saber flicker to life.
  "Now, you three will pay the ultimate price for your treachery!" Mr. Snuffles laughed evilly and raised the saber.
  RJ closed his eyes and braced himself for the pain and the agony.

  But the pain never came. After a few heart-pounding seconds, RJ opened his eyes. He jumped to his feet at the sight before him. Tyler was on Mr. Snuffles' back while Robbie was beating on the man's face with his light saber drum-sticks. Soon Paul and John were standing as well and watched as Stephen approached.

  Under the mind-controlling powers of Stephen, Mr. Snuffles sank to his knees. Quickly, RJ pulled out ear-plugs and distributed them to his band mates. Once everyone was protected, RJ belted out the highest note he could.

  Instantly, Mr. Snuffles went limp under Tyler. Quickly, Robbie and Tyler released Mr. Snuffles and began running toward the trap-door. Paul began taking his ear-plugs out, but RJ gestured for him not to. Smiling, he continued screeching at anyone they passed, subduing them instantly.

  After about five minutes of running, RJ motioned for his friends to take their ear-plugs out.
  "Everyone up!" John said quickly.
  "I'm gonna put an end to this establishment once and for all." RJ smiled.
  Once everyone was out and in the Seven Eleven, RJ took a deep breath and hit a really really low C.

  The rumbling sound that followed told RJ the job had been done. Smiling with satisfaction, he hoisted himself up the rocky wall and felt Paul and Tyler pull him into the store room. In a few more moments, the rumbling metamorphosed into an earth-shattering roar.

  Then all was silent. The entire band sighed with relief. Then suddenly, Marty came rushing in.
  "Sorry John, I forgot to tell you... The straws were hidden behind the slurpee lids."
  In light of this knowledge, it was all the others could do to keep John from strangling Marty.

  Later at Blinding Light Manor, the band was celebrating their victory with a little jam cession.
  "Tyler, your B-string's flat!" Stephen declared.
  "So is my G-string." Tyler laughed and hiked up his pants.
  Suddenly the door bell rang.
  "Marty Martin with your pizza delivery." Marty called from the door.
  "Food!" The entire band shouted and dog-piled on Marty.
  Robbie came up with the pizza and set it on the coffee-table. Paul handed Marty $35 and closed the door in his face.
  "There's only one thing to do at a time like this." Paul said solemnly.
  "Yep." John paused. "PIZZA FIGHT!"